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Anonymous sent: Ok so I have a boyfriend of 4 months now and tbh it's not going well at all for me. And now I'm starting to get feelings for a guy at swim team. Please help

Tell him. Don’t tell me - tell him. 

If you’re losing feelings for someone, it isn’t fair to either of you to keep pretending that everything’s alright. 

Also, do not act on your feelings towards swim team guy until you’ve had a proper, grown up conversation with your boyfriend and you’ve gone your separate ways. 

For his and your integrity’s sake, you may want to give it a few weeks before you start dating again. 

Good luck (: 

Anonymous sent: Hi, I love you <3

Oh I like messages like these. I like them very much. 

I think I may have fallen a little bit in love bit with you too anon :))

"The friend zone does not exist," she informed him. "If she was meant to love you, she will, and that love cannot be extinguished by the simple notion of ‘remaining friends’."

He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to tell her that she did not understand.

"No," she stopped him, "no, what you are talking about is unrequited love. And that, on the other hand, is very real; very real and quite simply, awful."

—Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #41 
Maybe,” she said, “maybe it is just that I am tired of loving people who don’t love me back.
—Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #40
Anonymous sent: I was having a conversation with the boy I loved today, and after I said 'I love you so much' like I usually do, he asked me 'Why?'. I can't seem to put down in words how much he means to me without being cliche or cheesy.... Any suggestions ?

Oh gosh. I hope you realise, love IS cliché and cheesy and every single overused phrase in the dictionary. This is what makes it so relatable.

In fact, don’t think too much about it. He does not need to hear poetry to know you love him.

You do not need to say something that sounds like a quote from a sappy Hollywood romance about his little quirks or the way he runs his fingers through his hair when he’s thinking and hums when he’s happy.

All he needs to hear is that you accept him for who he is, and better yet, you love him for it. Now your only job is to answer this:

Who is he?

"I miss you. I do." She whispered over the phone.

"But if I spend all of my time waiting for you, whole seasons will pass without me noticing, and you may be beautiful, but you will never be more beautiful than the first snowflakes of winter or the summer light cascading through the windows."

"I could wait for an eternity if only I knew you were coming," she said, "But time is precious, and darling you are not worth the spring blossoms. You are not worth the autumn leaves."

—Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #39

Darling you don’t sound like you’re in love with him, you sound like you’re desperately trying to hold onto pieces of affection that are firing splinters into your heart.

When your eyes are red from a night’s crying but you smile when strangers ask if you feel okay, darling that is not love.

When he shouts at you and you scream back but your cries are never as loud as his words, saying your dreams are invalid and your thoughts insane, darling that is not love.

When he expects you to give up your life to make him happy, to commit yourself to something you never wanted, please stop telling yourself it is love.

This is not love.

Love is not a chore that you need to make excuses for, that you need to say “maybe he hits me, but I know it’s out of love” or “perhaps he calls me stupid, but he makes me feel beautiful”.

Stop making excuses. This is not love.

—Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #38
Anonymous sent: Hello, can you tell us how to move on from ex?

Okay. Here we go. 

Step one: Stop trying so hard. They were a big part of your life and that means you’re not going to be able to get over them just like that

Step two: Don’t blame yourself and don’t blame them. In fact, you should probably absolve everyone involved of blame. Moving on means forgiving. 

Step three: Realise that they might be great, but they are not great for you. No matter what you think, it didn’t work out for a reason and therefore breaking up means you are one step closer to meeting the person who is right for you

Step four: Begin again. That chapter of your life is gone and while it might be nice to reminisce once in while it isn’t healthy to remain there. Picture a road. Wouldn’t you much rather go where you haven’t been than stay in mundane predictability?

Step five:  Learn fall in love with yourself all over again.  Break ups usually kill self confidence so much, so before you can move on you have to go back to how you were before. 

Maybe instead of hiding you should be proud of the rough edges that make you up and hold you together.

And when you finally realise that not even the clearest diamond is free from imperfection, maybe then you’ll learn to value your flaws instead of so desperately trying to cover them.

Maybe instead of hiding you should be proud of the rough edges that make you up and hold you together.

And when you finally realise that not even the clearest diamond is free from imperfection, maybe then you’ll learn to value your flaws instead of so desperately trying to cover them.

Anonymous sent: ive always liked my friend and we used to have a thing but then we drifted for a long time and ive started speaking to someone new know has told me he likes me but the previous boy has came back into my life and has been pretty on and off with me, i still really like him. Is it wrong to continue speaking one boy while i still have feelings for the previous one??

By all means carry on speaking to both. Talking to them is not wrong.

It becomes wrong when you start leading one on without the intention of ever giving them a chance, or while you haven’t moved on from a previous love interest.

Draw your lines carefully. Hearts are breakable.

Anonymous sent: I like this guy a lot no actually I use to at least I think I'm over him idk. The thing is he has a girlfriend now and god I hate it! I hate the fact that someone else has his attention. I slowly stopped talking to him or at least I tried. It worked for a few months then he started texting my again. And we started talking and now apparently we're "Best Friends".what should I do? I don't want to keep getting hurt and I'm always the one too get hurt not him.

You come first.

Repeat after me: “I come first. I always come first.”

If being around and talking to him makes you feel sad, or more negative than otherwise, distance yourself.

Do not try to justify sticking around. Do not say “Oh but he makes me happy.”

Nope. As soon as you find yourself saying “Oh but..” It’s probably time to reconsider your relationship.

You should never need to justify staying, it should be a given.

Anonymous sent: Is it okay if I use some of what you write? Not word for word, and I'll mention you if I do? Just for inspiration?

Oh my gosh, you’d use me for inspiration?!

Yes yes yes :) Please do.

If I want cake, I am going to eat cake.

And maybe tonight I will stop believing that after ten o’clock you should not consume anything solid for fear of becoming bloated and enormous. Maybe I will stop cringing at the thought of midnight feasts and desserts and chocolate ice cream.

Maybe I will screw up the magazines that advise drinking as much water as is humanly possibly to flush the “toxins” out of your body, and to eat lemon after lemon because they are supposedly “cleansing”. Because maybe all that is “toxic” in my life is the belief that I am defined by what I eat.

Maybe for once I will wear something bright because black may be “slimming” but yellow and orange and green reflect my personality so much better. And maybe I will allow myself to feel good about the colours, to not look in the mirror and want to rip everything off, including my own skin.

And if tonight it is 1am and I want to eat cake, you better believe that I am going to eat it.

I am going to rip up the pretense that living off vegetables makes you a better person. I am going to destroy the notion that cutting carbs or fat or counting calories so closely you could swear you’d memorised the content of apples and oranges and pears makes you more lovable or deserving of affection.

Because when did being “healthy” suddenly becomes synonymous with hating yourself? A body is only as healthy as its mind, so maybe tonight when you feel like cake, you should get up, march over there and tell yourself “If I want cake, I am going to eat cake.”

—Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #37 (Stop trying to fit a square into a circular mold)
Darling, don’t be like the others.
—Six word story
Anonymous sent: I don't know how to react... I'm jealous of every girl that's with him when I'm not, or even when I am around. Guys don't get that girls flirt... They see it as being friendly. He doesn't tell me when he goes to hang out with girls because "it upsets me when he does"... I don't know what to do... I don't want to be controlling but I don't want the possibility of another girl stealing his heart... And flirting with him. What do I do?

This speaks to me.

Here’s something I’ve learnt quite recently: by trying to control something or someone, you are destroying everything good about that relationship.

If he wants to flirt with other girls and after talking about it he doesn’t make an effort to stop, there is nothing you can do.

But it sounds to me like you’re over anxious. Tell me, is this a new relationship?

He’s with you, meaning you are top priority. If other girls are drooling all over him, let them, because HE IS WITH YOU.

They aren’t going to steal him. At least give your boyfriend a little credit. He knows more than you think and has a clear head. If he’s never done anything to make you doubt him, there’s no need to start now, you’ll only drive yourself crazy.