What we were
And we could have been
Still very much lingers
On my mind.
"I could kiss the hell outta you." He told her.
And all she could think to reply was:
“Well.. I’m not stopping you.”
"Falling for someone is the worst." She says.
"It’s sunshine and butterflies and storms and rain all mixed together and rammed down your throat until you throw it back up and collapse from feeling too much."
"It’s questions that have no answers and heartbeats that threaten to break through your ribcage and fall to the floor. And you will fall to your knees asking why you let someone in to see the darkest recesses of your mind when at any moment they could run away with your secrets and never look back."
"Falling in love is being stabbed a hundred times and drowning in his goddamn eyes. It’s feeling lips and teeth, up against walls and on counters and desks and drawers. It’s letting your hands trace lines and paths across new terrain, laughing at 2am like you’re five years old again and whispering ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’ into his skin."
"Falling in love is clumsy." She whispers. "It’s messy. It’s sitting on the ground running your fingers through your hair thinking: ‘Fuck. I’ve really done it this time."
Well… It’s a funny story actually.
I’d sort of been thinking about showing it to him for a long time beforehand, and that night I figured it was now or never.
So, like the adorably brave chipmunk I am, I typed a link and hovered over the enter button for what must have been half an hour (during which I went downstairs, questioned what the heck I was doing, did that awkward dance where you’re super embarrassed and want to climb into a hole and never come out again, and finished a peach).
I then proceeded to tell him not to judge me, and pressed send.
Of course I did not stick around to witness his reaction, instead opting to “go to bed” and have a crisis.
He handled it pretty well though. (In fact he’s probably reading this right now: Hi!)
"Wait for me," he begged. "I’ll be back. I swear I’ll come back for you."
And in his expression there was a mixture of apprehension and fear, because he had heard horror stories about distance and how it destroyed people.
He had heard that love did not last when entire oceans separated two individuals, no matter how tightly they held each other and promised to try.
But when he turned, his gaze was met by resilience and gentleness.
"You do not need to ask me to wait," she said softly, "If I could, I would cross entire galaxies for you, and the oceans are nothing compared to galaxies."
Oh no no no. No, this breaks my heart.
You never ever EVER love someone more than you love life. I don’t care how special he is. I don’t give a damn if he’s Prince Charming or Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome. It does not matter if he’s perfect or not perfect or anything in between; there are no exceptions, especially when he is willing to give so little in return.
Listen to me, he is just a boy, and you will meet many boys. Sometimes they will love you and you won’t love them. Sometimes you will love them and they won’t love you. That’s just life.
But one thing is for certain; you will always have yourself.
There will be times when there are no shoulders to cry on, when the sky is weeping and you think dying would be much easier than feeling like this.
During these times please realise that you are only human and sadness is just a symptom of humanness. You are 100% worth it and yet so many people will try to tell you otherwise.
Your mission in life should be to tell those people to suck it. Your mission in life is to say to them, “Your loss”.
Do not beat yourself down. A boy’s love should never define you.
"He’s not mine," she said. "And I don’t think he ever will be."
"And maybe that’s a good thing because things are never how you imagine and having expectations only ever sets you up for disappointment."
"But I can’t help but wonder what lying in his arms would be like," she told the sky, "I can’t help but imagine being close enough to feel his breath on mine and his skin on my skin."
She closed her eyes and felt the wind run it’s fingers through her hair, and imagined he was beside her.
"He’s going to kill me you know," she whispered to the moon,"he’s going to commit murder and the worst part is he won’t even know it."
Sometimes I wish you guys would come off anon so we could be friends, but then again that would probably be a bad idea because I’d be able to track you down and hug you to death and I don’t want to go to jail.
"I am hopelessly in love with a girl who has bulimia. I hope she knows we’re going to get through this together."
I wish the world didn’t move so fast. I wish we had the patience to listen to one another for once, to actually listen instead of gazing blankly at walls and nodding and not caring very much at all.
We are so busy trying to live lives consumed by other people’s ideals and expectations that we forget what makes us happy.
I do not want to wake up in twenty years time and think, “I wish I had not wasted my youth on trying to live, instead of living”.
Because I want to watch the moon cross the midnight sky and stay out late at night in silence, not saying anything and not to consider this a waste of time.
I want to slow down for once.
At school they teach us how to be successful and at the top of our game. They teach us how to run the fastest and speak the loudest. We are told to be happy we need always to be one step ahead, and sometimes this drives us a little mad.
They teach us so much at school; perhaps I just wish they had bothered to take a moment to teach us patience.
Oh my gosh I swear I had a small heart attack when I read that first line. I thought I was getting the most eloquent anon hate ever but really you’re just an adorable person who is oh so kind and oh so melodramatic.
In other words, my favourite kind of person. Thank you!
Tell him. Don’t tell me - tell him.
If you’re losing feelings for someone, it isn’t fair to either of you to keep pretending that everything’s alright.
Also, do not act on your feelings towards swim team guy until you’ve had a proper, grown up conversation with your boyfriend and you’ve gone your separate ways.
For his and your integrity’s sake, you may want to give it a few weeks before you start dating again.
Good luck (:
Oh I like messages like these. I like them very much.
I think I may have fallen a little bit in love bit with you too anon :))
"The friend zone does not exist," she informed him. "If she was meant to love you, she will, and that love cannot be extinguished by the simple notion of ‘remaining friends’."
He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to tell her that she did not understand.
"No," she stopped him, "no, what you are talking about is unrequited love. And that, on the other hand, is very real; very real and quite simply, awful."